Things that go bump in the night...

o7

I tend to sway back and forth between the various activities I enjoy in EVE. I find that this cuts down on how tedious some of them seem to be at times. I love hunting war targets, but it's very easy to get irritated at the lack of target activity. I enjoy mission flipping as well, but sometimes there's only so much scanning and poking I can take. I have been spending most of my time lately playing the 0.01 isk game in Jita so I can liquidate all the booty that Deekz and I were donated last week, and had decided to fit up a Machariel to bump with. I spent probably 2-3 days straight a few weeks ago doing nothing but bumping in Madi, so I feel like I can competently keep someone bumped and in fear. I never got a ransom, and I knew that this time I wanted to terrorize some miners so I flew to Otela and proceeded to warp to the ice belt.

Don't let her sleek body and welcoming tones fool you... 

If any of you aren't familiar with Otela, it is one of the systems that Astral Industries bases out of for their public mining fleets. I don't know nor do I care how they operate, because all I was interested in was finding some fools mining with an Orca / freighter in the belt. I've seen how ridiculous ice miners can be with their multi-boxing and undefended ships while participating in what they feel is fun gameplay. I'm glad that I can report that there were such activities going on upon my arrival in the belt. I find the Charon floating idly next to the Orca and a large clump of miners and proceed to warm my thrusters and make best course for a collision.

[ 2015.07.05 03:31:08 ] Kyle Ambramotte > o/
[ 2015.07.05 03:31:14 ] Faylee Freir > How are you tonight?
[ 2015.07.05 03:31:19 ] Kyle Ambramotte > fine
[ 2015.07.05 03:31:42 ] Faylee Freir > Have time to chat?
[ 2015.07.05 03:32:22 ] Kyle Ambramotte > look you are bouncing my charon and asking me if i have time.
[ 2015.07.05 03:32:32 ] Faylee Freir > I'm trying to be polite.
[ 2015.07.05 03:33:20 ] Kyle Ambramotte > Being polite would be leaving me alone.
[ 2015.07.05 03:33:26 ] Faylee Freir > I can't do that.
[ 2015.07.05 03:33:37 ] Kyle Ambramotte > sure you cant
[ 2015.07.05 03:34:02 ] Faylee Freir > hm
[ 2015.07.05 03:34:07 ] Faylee Freir > I do have options.
[ 2015.07.05 03:34:19 ] Faylee Freir > You do too, you know.
[ 2015.07.05 03:35:16 ] Faylee Freir > Would you like to chat about those options?
[ 2015.07.05 03:36:37 ] Faylee Freir > Are you there?
[ 2015.07.05 03:36:47 ] Kyle Ambramotte > this is the only option I'm going to give you..........SHOOT!!
[ 2015.07.05 03:37:00 ] Faylee Freir > You realize were in a 0.5 system, right?
[ 2015.07.05 03:37:40 ] Kyle Ambramotte > yes shooot
[ 2015.07.05 03:37:58 ] Faylee Freir > Well, I'd like to talk about how you can keep your Charon.
[ 2015.07.05 03:38:50 ] Faylee Freir > Logi won't save you. Don't you know that this doesn't work?
[ 2015.07.05 03:39:16 ] Kyle Ambramotte > will you just shoot!!!
[ 2015.07.05 03:39:37 ] Faylee Freir > Why are you so eager to lose your freighter?
[ 2015.07.05 03:39:45 ] Kyle Ambramotte > shoot
[ 2015.07.05 03:40:37 ] Faylee Freir > You seem irritated.
[ 2015.07.05 03:41:25 ] Kyle Ambramotte > No, I just dont feel like playing your little game of i have the most powerfull ship....
[ 2015.07.05 03:42:19 ] Faylee Freir > Well what do you want to do about it?
[ 2015.07.05 03:42:25 ] Faylee Freir > You know the easy way out.
[ 2015.07.05 03:42:48 ] Faylee Freir > I'll give you ample time to consider the best option while my friends are finishing up 2 ganks.
[ 2015.07.05 03:43:13 ] Kyle Ambramotte > will you plz just get your fucking gank over with!!!!!
[ 2015.07.05 03:43:27 ] Faylee Freir > be patient...
[ 2015.07.05 03:44:06 ] Kyle Ambramotte > NO

 I have seen Astral Industries before and knew that they advertise to be part of the Anti-Ganking community (if you can even call them that). If you enjoy collecting tears of the uninformed, ignorant, bad, and pathetic then I HIGHLY suggest you make your way to their public channel now (Gank-Intel). I work solo a lot of the time so it's important for me to use my alts to their fullest potential. This includes posing as a 3rd party that is genuinely concerned about the heinous crime of bump that is at hand!

[ 2015.07.05 03:43:53 ] Kyle Ambramotte > Machariel  Faylee Freir bumping my charon in  Otela
[ 2015.07.05 03:45:22 ] Full Metal Jackie > Need help?

I have used Feyd's Jedi Mind Tricks before, but when I'm in the moment it never seems like it's going to work... Until it does. I was feeling pretty pessimistic about my chances here, especially considering that he was wanting Faylee to go through with a gank and wasn't interested in negotiating. Surprise swept over me quickly as I proceeded to shoot Kyle a private message.

[ 2015.07.05 03:57:13 ] Kyle Ambramotte > o/
[ 2015.07.05 03:57:13 ] Full Metal Jackie > need help?
[ 2015.07.05 03:57:22 ] Kyle Ambramotte > yep
[ 2015.07.05 03:57:34 ] Full Metal Jackie > I can do one of two things
[ 2015.07.05 03:57:37 ] Full Metal Jackie > first off, what is he in?
[ 2015.07.05 03:57:58 ] Kyle Ambramotte > Machariel  Faylee Freir
[ 2015.07.05 03:58:16 ] Full Metal Jackie > Ah, the best I can do is web and give you a warpout in space
[ 2015.07.05 03:59:07 ] Full Metal Jackie > getting my ship
[ 2015.07.05 03:59:07 ] Kyle Ambramotte > I'm 4.54 au from my POS.
[ 2015.07.05 03:59:25 ] Full Metal Jackie > link system
[ 2015.07.05 03:59:28 ] Full Metal Jackie > coming asap
[ 2015.07.05 03:59:36 ] Kyle Ambramotte > Otela
[ 2015.07.05 04:07:50 ] Full Metal Jackie > omw
[ 2015.07.05 04:08:02 ] Kyle Ambramotte > I'm Otela's mining fleet you can get in to be able to warp to me
[ 2015.07.05 04:08:14 ] Full Metal Jackie > k, have you ever done this?
[ 2015.07.05 04:08:27 ] Full Metal Jackie > I can walk you through it
[ 2015.07.05 04:09:07 ] Kyle Ambramotte > I'm still in the warp process but right before i warp she hits me.
[ 2015.07.05 04:09:39 ] Full Metal Jackie > ah
[ 2015.07.05 04:09:43 ] Full Metal Jackie > 1j out
[ 2015.07.05 04:10:02 ] Full Metal Jackie > Want me to explain how we'll do it?
[ 2015.07.05 04:10:10 ] Kyle Ambramotte > yeah
[ 2015.07.05 04:10:22 ] Full Metal Jackie > are you aligned to pos?
[ 2015.07.05 04:10:29 ] Kyle Ambramotte > yes
[ 2015.07.05 04:10:45 ] Full Metal Jackie > is he knocking you off alignment?
[ 2015.07.05 04:10:58 ] Kyle Ambramotte > nope
[ 2015.07.05 04:11:26 ] Full Metal Jackie > alright, When he bumps you I will apply webs
[ 2015.07.05 04:11:35 ] Full Metal Jackie > your max required velocity will drop
[ 2015.07.05 04:11:38 ] Kyle Ambramotte > ok
[ 2015.07.05 04:11:40 ] Full Metal Jackie > Then you'll enter warp immediately.
[ 2015.07.05 04:11:48 ] Kyle Ambramotte > ok
[ 2015.07.05 04:12:24 ] Full Metal Jackie > omw
[ 2015.07.05 04:12:31 ] Kyle Ambramotte > ok
[ 2015.07.05 04:12:42 ] Full Metal Jackie > You'll be my 3rd person I've helped do this today

 Excitement, nervousness, and suspense all overcame me at the same time as I scrambled to find the proper tool for the job. Full Metal Jackie has terrible combat skills and in the middle of trying to rush out the door, all I could manage to fit was some half-assed abomination of a space craft.

This is literal cancer and I'm ashamed of myself

Trust me, you don't need to remind me how terrible this is. It's a crime against content creators, but it's all I could manage to throw together with FMJ's lack of skills and the pressure of time slipping by. It's very clear that I was not anticipating or even prepared in the least for this kind of encounter, but I decide to proceed anyway. 

[ 2015.07.05 04:13:05 ] Full Metal Jackie > accept so I can web
[ 2015.07.05 04:13:50 ] Full Metal Jackie > 500m, right now.
[ 2015.07.05 04:14:05 ] Full Metal Jackie > or you lose your freighter
[ 2015.07.05 04:17:46 ] Full Metal Jackie > You there?

Nice freighter! Can I blow you up?

I can feel the adrenaline flowing through my body as FMJ's Incursus (from now on referred to as 'pile of cancer') is plinking Federation Navy Antimatter S into the Charon's shields. The progress is agonizing and at this point I'm orbiting the Charon with Faylee in her Machariel while reading AG chat. It's very clear that these guys have no idea what they are doing and are completely oblivious to basic game mechanics and knowledge (CCP please give us tutorials and opportunities that promote not being an infant sucking at a tit)

[ 2015.07.05 04:10:06 ] Denise Wicked > 600km from ice now
[ 2015.07.05 04:10:21 ] Denise Wicked > thanks for coming to help
[ 2015.07.05 04:12:07 ] MistakenAce > Would a webber help thge bumped frieghter?
[ 2015.07.05 04:12:22 ] MistakenAce > *the
[ 2015.07.05 04:12:34 ] Michael Comet > Where?
[ 2015.07.05 04:12:45 ] Denise Wicked > warp to him
[ 2015.07.05 04:12:58 ] Michael Comet > to who
[ 2015.07.05 04:13:08 ] Denise Wicked > Kyle Ambramotte
[ 2015.07.05 04:13:37 ] Denise Wicked > MistakenAce not sure just need time for him to warp
[ 2015.07.05 04:14:15 ] Feydra Al > He's not suspect, right? I can't shoot him?
[ 2015.07.05 04:14:25 ] Denise Wicked > no dont shoot
[ 2015.07.05 04:15:04 ] Denise Wicked > Full Metal Jackie you webbing charon?  Machariel is one needing webbed
[ 2015.07.05 04:15:14 ] Michael Comet > Where?
[ 2015.07.05 04:15:43 ] Denise Wicked > Michael Comet you can warp to  Kyle Ambramotte by using fleet
[ 2015.07.05 04:16:52 ] MistakenAce > we need more webbers I think
[ 2015.07.05 04:17:35 ] Lorn Malvo > it doesn't help
[ 2015.07.05 04:17:44 ] Denise Wicked > Kyle Ambramotte is being webbed and warp disrupt so its not helping
[ 2015.07.05 04:18:23 ] MistakenAce > ahhh I see
[ 2015.07.05 04:18:43 ] Richecko > who was shooting at the mach?
[ 2015.07.05 04:19:02 ] Richecko > ooh hello concord
[ 2015.07.05 04:19:03 ] Arva Teaks > mach just needs bumped dont attack
[ 2015.07.05 04:19:16 ] Michael Comet > I was! Going to can character so I went out in style! Please pick up pieces!
[ 2015.07.05 04:21:11 ] Merc Windrunner > Was the Gila one of ours?
[ 2015.07.05 04:21:35 ] Michael Comet > Yes! Just bought it!
[ 2015.07.05 04:21:47 ] Merc Windrunner > I have the salvage.
[ 2015.07.05 04:22:13 ] Merc Windrunner > Who are we bumping?
[ 2015.07.05 04:22:14 ] Lorn Malvo > you have 3 ways:1st is create noobish alt, learn webs and web machariel with 5 webs from griffin or something 2nd take 7 10mil thrashers and suicide him3rd take 500mwd cruiser and bump machariel :D
[ 2015.07.05 04:22:18 ] Denise Wicked > charon cant warp hes webbed still and taking damage
[ 2015.07.05 04:22:19 ] Michael Comet > Keep it!
[ 2015.07.05 04:25:11 ] Evanescent > need logi on charon
[ 2015.07.05 04:25:46 ] Richecko > damage from who?
[ 2015.07.05 04:25:51 ] Merc Windrunner > I have an Osprey in Jita.  Can I get back in time to matter?
[ 2015.07.05 04:26:07 ] MistakenAce > Yes
[ 2015.07.05 04:26:54 ] Merc Windrunner > Can I repair the Charon's shields without being tagged?
[ 2015.07.05 04:27:15 ] Evanescent > im check almost there
[ 2015.07.05 04:27:35 ] Evanescent > Richecko i dont know but someone is webbing him
[ 2015.07.05 04:27:44 ] MrB99 > webbing does not cause damage
[ 2015.07.05 04:28:14 ] Evanescent > have to go yellow to repair
[ 2015.07.05 04:28:16 ] Merc Windrunner > What is damaging him that the attacker isn't marked and attacked by Concord?
[ 2015.07.05 04:28:54 ] Evanescent > guys i think your doing more dasmage than good
[ 2015.07.05 04:29:16 ] MistakenAce > Is Full Metal Jackie attacking the Charon?
[ 2015.07.05 04:29:43 ] Richecko > i'm going suspect. screw it.
[ 2015.07.05 04:29:56 ] MistakenAce > Get out
[ 2015.07.05 04:30:02 ] Richecko > repping the charon
[ 2015.07.05 04:30:04 ] Merc Windrunner > Has anyone tried jamming the attacker?
[ 2015.07.05 04:30:06 ] Richecko > someone watch local for goons
[ 2015.07.05 04:30:18 ] Richecko > someone please say who is the attacker
[ 2015.07.05 04:31:09 ] Richecko > Kyle Ambramotte who is shooting at you
[ 2015.07.05 04:31:23 ] MistakenAce > Its full metal jackie
[ 2015.07.05 04:31:34 ] Evanescent > Full Metal Jackie
[ 2015.07.05 04:31:36 ] Richecko > kick him from fleet and ban his corp
[ 2015.07.05 04:31:45 ] Richecko > and if itn's an npc corp we'll deal with tha later

AND!

[ 2015.07.05 04:37:40 ] Denise Wicked > help came to destroy charon  Full Metal Jackie is attcking charon
[ 2015.07.05 04:37:52 ] Denise Wicked > logi were killed
[ 2015.07.05 04:43:58 ] KickAss Tivianne > Limited engagement?
[ 2015.07.05 04:45:54 ] Skaffen Akachi > Full Metal Jackie was in this channel earlier
[ 2015.07.05 04:46:04 ] Denise Wicked > Full Metal Jackie is in duel with him
[ 2015.07.05 04:46:21 ] Denise Wicked > said she had to to help him
[ 2015.07.05 04:46:28 ] Denise Wicked > now shes killing him
[ 2015.07.05 04:47:16 ] Skaffen Akachi > Must not accept duel request from someone you don't trust
[ 2015.07.05 04:49:35 ] KickAss Tivianne > What is  Full Metal Jackie  flying?
[ 2015.07.05 04:51:01 ] Denise Wicked > Incursus  Full Metal Jackie
[ 2015.07.05 04:51:10 ] Denise Wicked > need her killed
[ 2015.07.05 04:53:52 ] Denise Wicked > Sacrilege is what shes on they told me wrong
[ 2015.07.05 04:56:39 ] KickAss Tivianne > Where is it?
[ 2015.07.05 04:57:06 ] LingWai II > 2 jumps out w/ logi
[ 2015.07.05 04:57:35 ] Denise Wicked > Otela
[ 2015.07.05 04:57:39 ] KickAss Tivianne > where in Otela?
[ 2015.07.05 04:57:49 ] LingWai II > rgr
[ 2015.07.05 04:57:57 ] Denise Wicked > join my fleet and jump to him
[ 2015.07.05 04:58:10 ] LingWai II > fleet me then
[ 2015.07.05 04:58:27 ] LingWai II > got it
[ 2015.07.05 05:00:39 ] Telegram Sam > omw  20 jumps  heh

I know I got a little ahead of myself with the previous quote, but the encounter was registering at a length of autistic proportions. Throughout the process they would warp in logi at 0 and go suspect to repair the Charon's shields. I was highly annoyed, considering it took 'pile of cancer' a very long time to make that progress. I decided to hump Faylee 3 jumps over to Jita in order to retrieve my beloved Sacrilege! I came back and made quick work of any and all opposing idiots that dared go suspect.

Is it true? Could there be pilots more cancer-filled than my own FMJ?

Yeah, so I racked up 1.19b in kills, and even managed to scoop a measly 185m in loot. Full Metal Jackie ended up getting ganked, and the Charon escaped into the gloomy depths of space. It's easy to read this and scoff at how retarded I am, but I prefer to take my mistakes and learn from them (after I remind myself that I'm a filthy, terrible, idiot). I decided to put my covert cyno training on hold in order to put FMJ into a proper combat ship, so that if this ever happens again I will be prepared. Ganking for profit is definitely something that I'll be getting into soon (FMJ can fly a Bowhead ;]) but what's even better than ISK and assets is the purified tears of a risk averse miner.

Update 7/9/2015:

So I decided to go hunting around with these killrights I seem to just rack up occasionally. Sabre Dean was top on my list as he was one that helped gank Full Metal Jackie. A few locates and roughly 30 minutes later I manage to procure this.

[ 2015.07.09 04:00:51 ] Faylee Freir > gf though. Don't shoot at my alt next time. [ 2015.07.09 04:00:57 ] Sabre Dean > you just wasted several hours of my income though, satisfied your sense of revenge?

Fly Dangerously!